Cancer etiquette: How to talk to people with a dreaded disease

We desperately need something like a real set of rules when somebody has the illness. It’s easy to recognize the wrong things to say — especially after the fact — but what are the right ones?

Perspective by
Contributing columnist
June 9, 2022 at 6:54 a.m. EDT
(Jimena Estíbaliz for The Washington Post)

Shortly after he died of esophageal cancer, Christopher Hitchens’s book “Mortality,” a collection of essays chronicling his ordeal with the illness, came out and I read it. At one point, the renowned journalist recounts a brief encounter with a fan at a book signing.

The woman — a complete stranger, mind you — told Hitchens that her cousin had suffered from cancer, which had recurred after a remission “much worse than before.” Oh, she prattled on, “It was agonizing” and then he died. She left Hitchens with these words, “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I understand exactly what you are going through.”